My dad died when I was twelve. He had a week's notice and he used some of it to record a cassette for my brother and me. Thirteen minutes and twenty seconds. I can still hear his voice. I still wish there was more of it. I did a TEDx talk about it. It runs thirteen minutes and twenty seconds.
Mum
My mum died suddenly in 2015. I was twenty-nine and running two ice cream shops. I usually went to hers for dinner on Sundays. That Sunday I was stuck at the store, so I rang instead. She said she wasn't feeling well and she'd see me tomorrow. The next day I found her.
There is no video of her. None. The last photo of the two of us together was taken nine years before she died. My niece will never hear her grandmother laugh, and there is nothing I can do about that now.
That's the feeling I don't want anyone else to have, because they don't have to.
Why we don't
Every phone in every pocket can record a message that would be the most precious thing someone owns one day. Almost nobody does it. Not because they don't care. Because it feels arrogant, or morbid, or like something for later. Tony Stark's message to his daughter, every "if you're watching this" ever filmed. We recognise it instantly and we still don't do it for ourselves.
Here's the reframe. Not having it, because you thought recording it was a bit much, could be the thing that would have comforted someone in the worst weeks of their life.
Against that, arrogant doesn't rate.
What to record
Video. Voice, face, mannerisms, the laugh. Letters are lovely and they're not close.
Ten minutes a week is plenty. Start with the first one.
The work that came out of it
The TEDx, and the keynote that grew out of it. Built to close a conference and send a room home to record. People have come back months later to say they finally did it.
The keynote →Press RecordHow to record a message for the people you love, every decade, without it feeling weird. The prompts, the planner, the library. For Dad.
In Case of Death, Break GlassThe workbook that gets your financial, legal, digital and personal affairs into one sealed place, so your family grieves instead of investigates. For Mum.
The books →For the stories that need drawing out. You sit down with me and a camera. I ask the questions I've spent almost two decades learning how to ask, and your family gets a film of you telling them who you are.
Built with Dave at Post Script Content and Jek in Singapore. Interviews, family films, decade sessions, messages for milestones.
The studio →My own
I'm forty. I'm recording my own decade tape this year, and I'm building the folder my brother would need if something happened to me. I'll put the process on the channel, mistakes and all, because the fastest way to get you to do it is to show you it isn't that hard.
What happened after the talk
These are public comments under Legacy in Bytes on YouTube. Seven of the ninety-nine pieces of feedback I've collected describe someone going away and actually doing it. Every one of those came from this talk.
"Never did I imagine that a talk could bring tears to my eyes. Steve has stirred a behaviour change in me and I have started to record my legacy."
UtkarshTEDx audience"It has made me realise there are hundreds of untold stories I would love to capture from my family. Your insights are a gift to me and many others."
TEDx audienceYouTube comment"His story reached my heart, inspiring a loving change of mind and action."
TEDx audienceYouTube comment"I'm so used to having a good, hearty giggle when we talk, but this had me in tears. Very powerful delivery."
SandraTEDx audience"Steve captured the audience from the get-go and never let them go. He takes you to the edge, but brings you back with a cheeky smile and open arms."
AmandaTEDx audience"I was captivated from start to finish."
AshleighTEDx audienceWatch the talk, get the book, or book a session. Then press record this week.